Revirgination....

For those of you who have lived in the country or spent any time at all hiking in the woods will know that a road or a trail with regular traffic, be it vehicular or pedestrian, will remain clear and open. But let it fall into disuse, and very soon the weeds and vines will crowd in until, in scarcely any time at all, the pathway is completely obscured as if it never even existed. What we need is an intrepid new blazer of trails.

And so it is with us when our personal trails have gone unblazed for a time: We revert to our former state. An you know, of course, what an unexplored wood is called don't you? Yes, it is a virgin forest. If we spend too much time without a regular man, we may go into a state of revirgination. This is a positive occurrence, given the high premium placed by men on virginity in both woods and women. They just do purely love to be the first one in someplace.

For revirgination to occur in a woman, it requires some changes in demeanor and comportment. It is not enough to be a virgin - or a revirgin, as it were - one must also act like one. A certain degree of shyness, timidity, and wide-eyed naivete' is required. Certain props, such as cutsie-artsy glasses, hairbows (not my style but maybe yours), and a new "pearl" something, may help facilitate your transformation process. You can also get good tips from romance novels: Every body's a virgin in them!

The time it takes for revirgination to occur varies from woman to woman. Some might revirginate in a matter of weeks, while for others it might take months. Still others have honed their skills to such a level that they're able to simply spontaneously revirginate within mere moments as often as the situation demands.

Revirgination works according to the old theory of "TREAT 'EM LIKE SHIT AND NEVER GIVE 'EM ANY and THEY WILL FOLLOW YOU AROUND LIKE DOGS,' and it's easy to see why. If you're not just a bitch but a virgin to boot.....well mercy be! You better like this guy a heap, because if you DON'T, you will have to pay (big time) to have him towed away.

A reconstituted virgin is so much better than a plain ole' virgin that's been sitting in storage for a hundred years. With a revirgin, all the benefits of training, experience and the accompanying enthusiasm are retained; in addition, the equipment has been well maintained. It is not necessary or even desirable to pretend to your new trailblazer that you have never been down this road before, especially if you have one or more children who look exactly like you! No, it is enough to state, for the record, that you are a card-carrying reconstituted virgin and entitled to all manner of special considerations as such. It will then be up to him to woo and entice you to yield your most current virtue to his manly assaults upon its bastions. (He can also get some good tips from romance novels and fairy tales. I mean, who could resist a guy who rides up on a noble steed, rescues you from a dastardly villain, and gives you a kingdom or something comparable, right? Actually, if he could just prove that he is not himself a dastardly villain, he'd be pretty darned irresistible in MY opinion; I'd be perfectly happy to provide my own steed and kingdom even - but that's just ME!)

This revirgination thing is ONLY useful up to a POINT!
Holding out too long is just cutting your nose off to spite your face.
So do try to keep in mind how much better your face looks and feels with a nose!
(*winks*)

God Bless the Sweet Potato Queens!