Drug Tests........................

Happy Monday, Everyone!

Me Thinks....

"You cannot play with the animal in you

without becoming wholly animal,

play with falsehood without forfeiting your right to truth,

play with cruelty without losing your sensitivity of mind.

He who wants to keep his garden tidy

doesn't reserve a plot for weeds. "

~unknown

A Gift So Special....

There are some people in this big ole' world we live in

that never cease to amaze me.

Click on this link to see what I mean.

I am

BLOWN AWAY

by

the love

of a true talent

and

such a special friendship

found here!

TASSY

End Of The Day.........Lesson Learned!

Dog For Sale....

A man is driving around the back woods of Mississippi and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

"Talking Dog For Sale ."

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.

You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says,

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says,

"Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.

I wanted to help the government, so I contacted the CIA.

In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country,

sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders;

because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.

I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out,

and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.

I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security,

wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings

and was awarded a batch of medals."

"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed!

He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars?"

" This dog is amazing!"

"Why on earth are you selling him so cheap!?"

"Because, he's a liar!"

He never did any of that!

Now This Is Common Sense....

A Dedication.....

New Mississippi Bloggers....

On a more positive note today,

I would like to introduce each of you to two new bloggers from Mississippi

They are both writers and have a wonderful way of telling stories.

Something that we Mississippian's are renowned for.

Check them out when you can and show them some commentary love.

ALMOST SAVED IS A THOUGHT - Dale

and

GOOD AND EVIL WORLD - Keith

I have been at a stand-still for so long,

I am not sure where I am headed anymore.

You cannot begin a new chapter of your life

until an old one ends.

I am ready, oh soooo ready,

but am paralyzed by the legalities of divorce.

My heart is huge,

my dreams, even bigger.

May 13, 2008,

Shit,

Hurry up!

And even then,

it is just another date

to begin to wait.

Question....

If you are in the process of blowing up a balloon and you burp,

blowing your burp into the balloon,

will it smell like a "burp"

later,

when you pop it?

Just curious.

Introductions....

So,

I hopped into a taxi this morning and asked the driver to take me into Bloggerita-ville.

He was more than acommodating and took me on a route that I had yet to venture onto.

Now, ya'll know I love to travel and to meet new people, so, while I cruised around with my window rolled down, I met the following bloggers.

They are each, colorful, witty, smart, kind and

well,

the kind of neighbors that I am glad I met.

I have listed them below so if you would like to "venture out" into the beautiful sunshine, well, just click on their links.

You'll be glad you did!

FLOWER PETALS - Angie

DOG PARK DAYS - Marla

THE INVISIBLE WOMAN - Scarlet w. Blue

UTAH SAVAGE

I hope you each have a blessed Sunday and each day that follows.

I'm headed outside with my camera now.

Ciao!

Toward the end of Sunday service,

the Minister asked,

'How many of you have forgiven your enemies?'

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time,

except one small elderly lady.

'Mrs. Neely?';

'Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?'

I don't have any.'

She replied, smiling sweetly.

'Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual.

How old are you?'

'Ninety-eight.'

she replied.

'Oh, Mrs. Neely,

would you please come down in front & tell us all

how a person can live ninety-eight years

and

not have an enemy in the world?'

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle,

turned to the congregation,

and said:

"I OUT LIVED THE BITCHES!"

Personality "Type"

This is Cool! I found it over at

CHOC MINT GIRL's

You Have A Type B+ Personality

You're a pro at going with the flow You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer A total joy to be around, people crave your stability. While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity. Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done You're passionate - just selective about your passions

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works,

and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show,

you too can find inner peace.

Dr Phil proclaimed,

'The way to achieve inner peace

is to finish all the things you have started

and have never finished.'

So,

I looked around my house to see all the things I started

and hadn't finished,

and before leaving the house this morning,

I finished off .....

a bottle of White Zinfandel,

a bottle of Captain Morgan,

a package of Oreos,

the remainder of my old Xanex prescription,

the rest of the cheesecake,

some Doritos,

and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea

how

freaking

good

I feel right now!!!

YouTube Divorce....

WOMAN'S POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks .
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac

with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store

and a golf course.

This doesn't rhyme

but I don't give a shit.

Dear IRS.......

Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2007 tax return

showing that I owe

$3,407.00

in taxes.

Please note the attached article

from the USA Today newspaper;

dated 12 November,

wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense)

is paying $171.50 per hammer

and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.

I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats

(valued @ $2,400)

and six (6) hammers

(valued @ $1,029),

which I secured at Home Depot,

bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00.

Please apply the overpayment of $22.00

to the

'Presidential Election Fund,'

as noted on my return.

You can do this inexpensively

by sending them one 1.5' Phillips Head screw driver

(see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper

detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00 each for 1.5' Phillips Head Screws).

One screw is enclosed for any

intrest you feel I have accrued

and for your convenience.

It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year,

and I look forward to paying it again

next year.

Sincerely,

A Satisfied Taxpayer

OH....HELL YEAH!

Now, for those of you who

KNOW

me,

YOU MUST KNOW

that I find this,

Both,

acceptable

and

hysterical!

Prince William completes his helicopter training en -route to a stag party.
Prince William raised eyebrows when he used an RAF Chinook helicopter

to ferry him and his younger brother, Harry

to a stag party.

{{{{I am loving this!}}}}

The prince took off in the helicopter

after receiving his wings

- denoting his qualification as an RAF pilot -

with his father present at a ceremony at RAF Cranwell

in Lincolnshire on Friday around lunchtime.

The Prince has already won his RAF 'Wings'

So........

He flew the aircraft to pick up Prince Harry from Woolwich Barracks in South East London before flying on to the Isle of Wight and landing at Bembridge Airport at 4pm.

The helicopter's co-pilot then took the aircraft back to base.

The trip saved the princes a six-hour journey by rush-hour clogged roads and a ferry.

Chinooks,

which cost around £35 million each and are in short supply in Afghanistan,

can fly at speeds of 140 Knots (160 miles per hour).

But Prince William's RAF commanders defended the move,

saying the sortie had been authorised and the flight,

over the capital and open water, helped him complete his RAF training.

"Having spent a week under instruction with a

Chinook helicopter

Squadron Prince William flew a legitimate training sortie

which tested his new skills to the limit,"

an RAF spokesman said.

"Flying at low level Prince William piloted the heavy support

RAF Chinook helicopter

through the busy London flying lanes to a helicopter landing site in Central London

before departing the lanes to the South West, making a water crossing and an approach to a civilian airfield routinely used by

Chinook Squadrons.

"His final flight tested his burgeoning flying skills

to the full and he performed very well indeed."

The Prince celebrated his achievement in customary style.

He and a group of friends spent the weekend on

"Pedro's Cowes Tour 2008",

playing drinking games and watching bands.

I LOVE IT!!

Meme....

I was tagged by one of my best girls

CHELLE,

to do this meme.

I am to list FIVE words

I hope are used to describe me after I'm gone.

So, here's my five:

1) Loving

2) Giving

3) Fun

4) Daring

and

5) Missed

Ever Had A Day Like This?

"DIRT ROAD"

Sheriff Joe Is At It Again!

"QUOTE"

This is an update on

Sheriff,

Joe Arpaio

Oh, there's MUCH more to know about

Sheriff Joe

!

Maricopa County, in Arizona

was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals,

Such as,
Cats and Dogs,

Sheriff Joe

offered to take the department over,
and the County Supervisors said,

"okay."

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners.
They feed and care for the strays.
Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily.
He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior.
They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal.
He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners,
and had them place ribbons in dog shows.

The best part?
His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million.

"Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago.
He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health

and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him.
Cost us $78."

The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working,
but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day.
Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc.
He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look
at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas.
He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago,
where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food,
doing all the work and harvesting by hand.
He has a pretty good sized hog farm,
provides meat, and fertilizer.

It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work,
and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays,
and plant it later.

"We have six trees in our yard from the Prison."
Yup,

He was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.

Now he's in trouble with the ACLU

again.

Yup,

He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hot line phone number painted on it,

where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens.
Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes,
so he had 40 deputies trained specifically

for enforcing immigration laws,
started up his own hot line,
and bought 4 new buses

just for hauling folks back to the border.

He's kind of a

"Git-R Dun"

type of

Sheriff

!

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH

JOE ARPAIO

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED
OVER AND OVER

THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio

(In Arizona )

who created the

" Tent City Jail"

Has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.

He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails.
Took away their weights Cut off all but "G" movies.

He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.

Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination

He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.

When asked why the weather channel He Replied,
"So they will know how HOT it's gonna be working on MY Chain Gangs."

He cut off coffee since it has Zero nutritional value.

When the inmates complained, he told them,
"This Isn't The Ritz/Carlton....
If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back."

He bought Newt Gingrich's lecture series

on videotape that he pipes into the jails.

When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat,

he replied

that a democratic lecture series might rightly explain

why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the

FIRST PLACE!

More On The Arizona Sheriff:

With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix

(116 Degrees Just Set A New Record),

the Associated Press Reports:

About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment

At The Maricopa County Jail

Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued

Pink Boxer Shorts.

On Wednesday,

hundreds of men wearing boxers

were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents,

which reached 138 Degrees Inside

The Week Before.

Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels

As Sweat Collected On Their Chests

And Dripped Down To Their

PINK SOCKS.

"It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,"

Said James Zanzot,

An Inmate,

Who Has Lived In The

TENTS

for over 1 year.

"It's Inhumane."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joe Arpaio,

The tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city

and long ago started making his prisoners wear

pink,

and eat bologna sandwiches,

is not one bit sympathetic.

He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates:

"It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too,

And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,

But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes,

So Shut Your Damned Mouths!"

Way To Go,

Sheriff Joe!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one

there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders.

Criminals should be punished for their crimes

- not live in luxury

until it's time for their parole,

only to go out and commit another crime

so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money

and enjoy things taxpayers

can't afford

to have for themselves!

Comments?

"UNQUOTE"

Button Up Today......

Blue Thursday....

My Views On Gun Control....

Although I think it very wise for my Father

and others closest to me,

to take away and with hold arms from me during the past 3.5 months,

my views, in general, coincide with the beliefs below.

...........America..........

be aware of this issue.

GUN CONTROL

Fight for your Second Ammendment Right!

We're gonna' need 'em!

:)

Ted Nugent - Gun Control

Archie Bunker - Gun Control

How It Works....

Francesca Beaupre',

of Meridian, Mississippi

was going up to bed when her son told her that she'd left the light on in the garden shed,

which she could see from the bedroom window.

Francesca opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

She phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

She said "no", they're in my shed.

Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that she should simply lock her door and an officer would be along when available.

Francesca said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago

because there were people stealing things from my shed.

Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them."

Then she hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Beaupre' residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to Francesca,

"I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

To which she coyly replied,

"I thought you said there was nobody available!"

Whatever it takes,

my motto!

The Lords Prayer....

How precious is this?

Dork F-ish.....

And On Today's Menu....

I will either

SERVE

you breakfast,

or

EAT

you for breakfast.

Take all the time you need with the menu.

After all,

it is

YOUR

decision.

Me

Public Service Announcement:

I welcome

the

WORLD,

back

to my blog!

Yup,

public again.

Why?

Well.........

"Why Not?",

I ask you.

It's much easier for everyone this way

and I just love being bumped

"UP"

on Google.

I have nothing to hide.

I like me.

I dig my friends.

It's all good.

REAL GOOD!

So,

whoever you are,

whoever you once were,

whoever you dream of becoming

and

for whomever you can't let go of..........

~THIS BLOG'S FOR YOU~

I welcome you, each.

Even if you are...

all wrapped up in one.

I'm like that too,

sometimes

!

Have a super day and enjoy your visit.

ME

*wink*

A Moment in My Head....

So,

I'm driving around town today,

accomplishing a few of the many errands that were delayed yesterday,

due to the tornadic weather and such.

I do not listen to local radio anymore

since I've had XM radio installed in my vehicles,

and this song, on channel 20, plays like, every 15 minutes.

No problem.

I like the song, personally,

.........but .........

Dang!

So,

in my warped little head,

instead of the true lyrics,

I start singing

MY OWN

rendition of the redundant words.

So, remember the next time you listen to this.......

NO AIR

by Jordan Sparks

Change the words to......

"NO HAIR, NO HAIR, NO HAIR, NO HAIR!"

Try it!

It is HYSTERICAL!

I began laughing so hard I almost ran atop the back end of a Mazda 626,

carrying a riding lawn mower in it's trunk.

{{{{Not kidding}}}}

Yikes,

I better learn to contain my off the "Moments In My Head"

'till I get home next time.

Have a good one, everyone!

I am on a roll today so you can probably expect more posts or crazy thoughts.

I AM CHILDLESS

for the first time in MANY months!

Therefore, I am bored.

:)-

Happy Friday Everyone!

Living Rooms Jam.....

Hope you enjoy this session as much as I did.

:)-

Boyce

is originally from Sarasota, Florida.

Check out his other videos on YouTube

here at....

Boyce Avenue

Below,

Boyce

sings a rendition of

a Leona Lewis

hit single,

"Bleeding Love"

Yawwwwwwwwwwwwnn.....

Good morning everyone!

I am taking double shots of coffee this morning so I can type this to you.

WoW!

What a party yesterday!

I want to thank you each for attending and making a special day for Bella,

special for everyone!

Also, thank you each for being so tidy and helping me keep things picked up!

You all are awesome!

I have made a list of birth dates for all who emailed me.

If you haven't sent me your birthday yet, please do so in an email.

I think I am going into the "Online Party Planning" business.

:)-

You know how we Southern women are!

We love to entertain and throw parties.....

So, that's what I'll be doing between my other gigs.

Again,

Hope you had a great day Bella

and thank you all for making my rainy day fun!

Have a super one today!

......AND WASN"T THAT A PARTY!?

Gifts For Bella ~ From Fellow Bloggers

Amias

from

LIQUIDPLASTIC

has searched the harbors and docks

far and wide

With that she comes with this magnificent ride!

A Yacht!

Sindi

from

LIFE IS A ROLLER-COASTER

Sends you warmest birthday wishes

and a copy of her favorite book!

Michelle

from

RUSSIN' ROUND UP

has found you this fabulous popcorn machine!

Yummy!

MEMPHIS STEVE

sends you this lovely
2008 Rolls Royce Phantom!

Pilgrim

from

PEACE OF MY MIND

Has purchased for you,

A prime piece of Canadian real estate

located in downtown Toronto!

Casa Loma

was never finished so some renovation is necessary.

It has some stables but will need a garage if she wants to park her car out of the elements.

My

gift to you is this

Pearl and Diamond

tiarra!

I know you'll wear it well

during this special year!

Our dear friend

Jack

has sent you these offical Police handcuffs.

But, hey, where is the key?

Cliff

from

WIXY'S GONE BANANA'S

has gifted you this fabulous "Faux" fur!

Frassy

from

THIS AND THAT

sends you this delicious basket of wine!

Sandy

from

WRITING IN FAITH

Sends you a birthday "Goose"

Everyone needs on of these on her big day!

Stacy

sends you 2 tickets for an

Around the World Cruise

on the

PRIDE OF AMERICA

Stargazer Lily's

from LL

over at

Chromed Curses

They Say It's Your Birthday - Party Below!

Happy Birthday Bella!

Ya'll go on over to Bella's blog,

.......It Is What It Is............

and wish her a wonderful day!

Then everyone come back over here and help me eat this cake

and drink up these Mint Julips!

We all know and love the fact that Bella is Green

so I thought them to be the perfect drink

for a party on such a fabulous spring day!

Also, loved the cake because it was also Green,

in that it is as beautiful as Bella

and just as sweet.

"Dah'ling...May every hallway be a runway for you, today!"

And Mint Julips.....On Me!

5 f resh mint leaves, plus a few mint sprigs, for garnish

1 teaspoon sugar Shaved ice

2 1/2 ounces bourbon whiskey Lemon slice, for garnish,

optional Orange slice, for garnish,

optional Maraschino cherry, for garnish,

Place mint leaves, sugar and a splash of water into a silver julep cup
or a 12-ounce Tom Collins glass.
Muddle the mint, sugar, and water together with the tip of the handle of a wooden spoon.
Fill the glass with shaved ice, add the bourbon, and stir until combined.
Garnish with a lemon or orange slice, a cherry,
and a few sprigs of fresh mint.

Enjoy!

Letter From WalMart....

After my Father retired, my Mother insisted that he begin to accompany her on her trips to Walmart and just try to enjoy the experience with her.

Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
As he is a no frills, in and out, kinda guy.

Equally unfortunately, my Mother is like most women - - she loves to browse and browse and browse some more.

Yesterday my Mother tells me of a letter she received from the local Wal-Mart on Higway 19 North.


Dear Mrs. White,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. White are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in "Housewares" to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Please choose another store in our area to browse in.
We do appreciate your business.

Regards,
Tom Richards
Walmart Manager



.....APRIL FOOLS!....