New Government Element Found!

Governmentium (Gv)

Science lesson for today.

Study of recent hurricane and gasoline issues have proved the existence of a new chemical element.

A major research institution has recently announced

the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named

"Governmentium."

Governmentium (Gv)

--it has one neutron, 25 assistantant neutrons,

88 deputy neutrons,

and 198 assistant deputy neutrons,

giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,

are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like
particles called peons.

Governmentium

is inert.

However,

it can be detected,

because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact wth.

A minute amount of

Governmentium

cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over,

yet,
takes four days to complete.

Governmentium

has a normal half-life of four years;

it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization

in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places.

In fact,

Governmentium's

mass will actually increase over time,

since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that

Governmentium

is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as

Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money,

Governmentium

becomes

Administratium (Am)

-- an element which radiates just as
much energy as

Governmentium,

since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.