When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't -so you carefully, but quick ly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn overin her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance." In this position your toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance." You reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose onyesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. "Occupied!" you say, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly on to the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germand life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper -not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get." By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?
"This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest???you've got to be kidding!!). And I hope this explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!
8.10.2007
POUND TAXI
This post was borrowed from a dear blogger called Pilgrim. I highly reccommend his blog, The Musing Pilgrim, for a great daily read. The following event occurred in his hometown and was ever more tragic than I could grasp! Especially after reading this post and being informed that there is no reason for this to have happend. Blessings Pilgrim, for this information and from my heart I am sorry to hear of your community's loss. ~Liquid
The story goes as follows:
"The conversation between myself and the MADD representative was rather pertinent considering just over a week prior a 19 year old boy (emphasis on the fact that he's just a wet behnd the ears kid) driving drunk struck and killed a 14 year old girl in our community. It was a tragedy on so many levels. This precious 14 year old's life was over. I can't even pretend to know the anguish of this child's family. The other tragedy was the 19 year old driver would have to live with the nightmare of the stupid decision for the remainder of his life. MADDman elaborated that the Driver's life would change in more ways than I did know. His family will be driven apart over the incident. Many in his family will disown him while others will rally behind him to help him pick up the pieces. The magnitude of the tragedy will never wane. A wedge will be driven between the two factions.
Hopelessly I searched MADDman for some type of anser to the senselessness. He told me about Pound Taxi (#-T-A-X-I).
Pound Taxi is a North American wide initiative by all cellular phone providers on the continent. If you've had too much to drink, punch #-T-A-X-I (#8295) on any cell phone and a taxi will pick you up and drive you home for a measly buck twenty-five charge to your cell phone. MADDman told me to tell my kids if they've had too much too drink and don't want to get into a car with a drunk behind the wheel, get out and dial the number. They will driven home safely.
Unfortunately, this message will only be read by a handful of people, I ask that you please get the message out to everyone you know. A simple $1.25 is not much to ask to save how many lives. "
~Pilgrim
The story goes as follows:
"The conversation between myself and the MADD representative was rather pertinent considering just over a week prior a 19 year old boy (emphasis on the fact that he's just a wet behnd the ears kid) driving drunk struck and killed a 14 year old girl in our community. It was a tragedy on so many levels. This precious 14 year old's life was over. I can't even pretend to know the anguish of this child's family. The other tragedy was the 19 year old driver would have to live with the nightmare of the stupid decision for the remainder of his life. MADDman elaborated that the Driver's life would change in more ways than I did know. His family will be driven apart over the incident. Many in his family will disown him while others will rally behind him to help him pick up the pieces. The magnitude of the tragedy will never wane. A wedge will be driven between the two factions.
Hopelessly I searched MADDman for some type of anser to the senselessness. He told me about Pound Taxi (#-T-A-X-I).
Pound Taxi is a North American wide initiative by all cellular phone providers on the continent. If you've had too much to drink, punch #-T-A-X-I (#8295) on any cell phone and a taxi will pick you up and drive you home for a measly buck twenty-five charge to your cell phone. MADDman told me to tell my kids if they've had too much too drink and don't want to get into a car with a drunk behind the wheel, get out and dial the number. They will driven home safely.
Unfortunately, this message will only be read by a handful of people, I ask that you please get the message out to everyone you know. A simple $1.25 is not much to ask to save how many lives. "
~Pilgrim
OLD IS WHEN....
"OLD" IS WHEN... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN... Our friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. (Love it!)
"OLD" IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
"OLD" IS WHEN... You really know your way around, but you'd just as soon not go.
And ...
"OLD" IS WHEN...You are not really sure these are jokes.
"OLD" IS WHEN... Our friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. (Love it!)
"OLD" IS WHEN... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.
"OLD" IS WHEN... You really know your way around, but you'd just as soon not go.
And ...
"OLD" IS WHEN...You are not really sure these are jokes.
8.09.2007
AND I ASK YOU WHY.....
So, I am sitting on a tire in a yard full of southern treasures when "POOF" a rooster flies toward me and roosts' (literally) in my lap. What does this say about me? Where was I ...........can't tell you... it's a secret place.........How and why..............................Do rooster's need love too?
8.08.2007
LOVE TAKES A BOX OF CRAYONS....
I'm only four years old he said..
As he climbed up on the chair.
And handed me the picture he had drawn.
My eyes then engulfed tears as I saw his meticulous attempts to swoon emotional growth.
I knew just how to color Mamma's eyes and Daddy's hair.
But Mam, I still think there's something wrong.
There's one color missing and I just don't know...
If it's gold or green or blue or red.
He said,
which one of my crayons is the color of true love?
Well, I just looked at him and then I said...
Love is red cause it lives within the heart
Love is blue cause it's wider than the sky
yLove is green cause it's deeper than the forest or the ocean
Love is white like a dove for it can fly
Love is gold cause it warms us like the sun
Love is brown like the earth, it helps us grow
Love takes a whole box of crayons to imagine
Love is the heart's rainbow.
I said,
" I've seen little baby's born.
And I've seen old friends pass away."
Love has made me laugh and made me cry.
There ain't just one kind of love
It changes everyday.
And if I had to guess I'd say that's why...
Love is red cause it lives within the heart.
Love is blue cause it's wider than the sky.
Love is green cause it's deeper than the forest or the ocean.
Love is white like a dove, for it can fly.
Love is gold cause it warms us like the sun.
Love is brown like the earth, it helps us grow.
Love takes a whole box of crayons to imagine.
Love is the heart's rainbow.
And he said,
"Oh, thank you, Mam....
Thank you!"
He said,
"Now I think I knowwhat it is that I have got to do.
"He said ,"I'll go get my crayons
And I'll make a big rainbow
And I'll put in one color just for you...
He said :
Love is red cause it lives within the heart
Love is blue cause it's wider than the sky
Love is green cause it's deeper than the forest or the ocean
Love is white like a dove for it can fly
Love is gold cause it warms us like the sun
Love is brown like the earth, it helps us grow
Love takes a whole box of crayons to imagine
Because love is the heart's rainbow.
As he climbed up on the chair.
And handed me the picture he had drawn.
My eyes then engulfed tears as I saw his meticulous attempts to swoon emotional growth.
I knew just how to color Mamma's eyes and Daddy's hair.
But Mam, I still think there's something wrong.
There's one color missing and I just don't know...
If it's gold or green or blue or red.
He said,
which one of my crayons is the color of true love?
Well, I just looked at him and then I said...
Love is red cause it lives within the heart
Love is blue cause it's wider than the sky
yLove is green cause it's deeper than the forest or the ocean
Love is white like a dove for it can fly
Love is gold cause it warms us like the sun
Love is brown like the earth, it helps us grow
Love takes a whole box of crayons to imagine
Love is the heart's rainbow.
I said,
" I've seen little baby's born.
And I've seen old friends pass away."
Love has made me laugh and made me cry.
There ain't just one kind of love
It changes everyday.
And if I had to guess I'd say that's why...
Love is red cause it lives within the heart.
Love is blue cause it's wider than the sky.
Love is green cause it's deeper than the forest or the ocean.
Love is white like a dove, for it can fly.
Love is gold cause it warms us like the sun.
Love is brown like the earth, it helps us grow.
Love takes a whole box of crayons to imagine.
Love is the heart's rainbow.
And he said,
"Oh, thank you, Mam....
Thank you!"
He said,
"Now I think I knowwhat it is that I have got to do.
"He said ,"I'll go get my crayons
And I'll make a big rainbow
And I'll put in one color just for you...
He said :
Love is red cause it lives within the heart
Love is blue cause it's wider than the sky
Love is green cause it's deeper than the forest or the ocean
Love is white like a dove for it can fly
Love is gold cause it warms us like the sun
Love is brown like the earth, it helps us grow
Love takes a whole box of crayons to imagine
Because love is the heart's rainbow.
JUST A THOUGHT....
I'm beginning to see how simplicity and imperfection is, in some things,
Marks of beauty and a cause for wonder....
It's funny how you can be walking through life towards your dreams,
But only when you soak up every precious moment that it has to offer,
Are you relishing each breath you take,
It is then that you are living it all to it's fullest.
I think when we learn to pay attention to the things in life that would normally seem unimportant and insignificant to our happiness,
only then do we really understand...
How blessed we are to be here!
Marks of beauty and a cause for wonder....
It's funny how you can be walking through life towards your dreams,
But only when you soak up every precious moment that it has to offer,
Are you relishing each breath you take,
It is then that you are living it all to it's fullest.
I think when we learn to pay attention to the things in life that would normally seem unimportant and insignificant to our happiness,
only then do we really understand...
How blessed we are to be here!
8.06.2007
LIQUID WATERMELON....
I wish you could join me on the veranda as I slice up one of my prize watermelons! It's a LIQUID WATERMELON.....................yum!
HISTORY MYSTERY....
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head .
Now it gets really weird....
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat....
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker....
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh?
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head .
Now it gets really weird....
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat....
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker....
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe , Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.
Creepy huh?
7.31.2007
AN APRON STORY....
I don't even think that our kids even know what an apron is!
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath,
but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from
the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even
used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks,
and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had
been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from
the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much
furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron,
and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace
that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.
Think about it....
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies out on the window sill to cool,
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath,
but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from
the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even
used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks,
and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had
been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from
the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much
furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron,
and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace
that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.
Think about it....
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies out on the window sill to cool,
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
7.30.2007
AND IT HAPPEND LIKE THIS....
My Dad explaining to my son, Campbell, how in the world the hood blew off of the tractor when the diesel fuel ignited beneath it! OMG..........OOPS!
Yeah, I put diesel fuel in the mower because, well, I do not know the difference between it and regular, simply by smell. Now I know how to siffen gas from a tank, clean then replace a carburetor, check its compression and points, find and remove a spark plug, clean a spark plug then replace it, wash out a gas line, clean a needle valve, and inspect a high-tension lead for cracks or breaks. I've chalked it up to one of life's lessons learned.
WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF.....
IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?
IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?
IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?
IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?
IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?
IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS & KISSES?
SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
Well......"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG DAMN HOUSE!
7.29.2007
ALL ABOUT OLIVE....
I found this precious little woman over at Cathy's Blog. Which in its self is a treasure grove of posts and really great links to visit. I like Cathy. I enjoy her blog daily and this excerpt is just one little reason. This amazing woman is named Olive. She is 107 years old and is the oldest blogger I know of. You must visit her site, All About Riley, to appreciate all the wonders of life she has experienced! I just love her!
A WONDERFUL VISIT....
I was visited this weekend by two of my three best friends in the whole world! We had a good time catching up and laughing. I really needed my "Leigh" fix and hey, nothing wrong with a good ole "Ron" fix either!
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