I don't even think that our kids even know what an apron is!
The principal use of Grandma's apron was to protect the dress underneath,
but along with that, it served as a potholder for removing hot pans from
the oven.
It was wonderful for drying children's tears, and on occasion was even
used for cleaning out dirty ears.
From the chicken coop, the apron was used for carrying eggs, fussy chicks,
and sometimes half-hatched eggs to be finished in the warming oven.
When company came, those aprons were ideal hiding places for shy kids.
And when the weather was cold, grandma wrapped it around her arms.
Those big old aprons wiped many a perspiring brow, bent over the hot wood stove.
Chips and kindling wood were brought into the kitchen in that apron.
From the garden, it carried all sorts of vegetables. After the peas had
been shelled, it carried out the hulls.
In the fall, the apron was used to bring in apples that had fallen from
the trees.
When unexpected company drove up the road, it was surprising how much
furniture that old apron could dust in a matter of seconds.
When dinner was ready, Grandma walked out onto the porch, waved her apron,
and the men knew it was time to come in from the fields to dinner
It will be a long time before someone invents something that will replace
that "old-time apron" that served so many purposes.
Think about it....
Grandma used to set her hot baked apple pies out on the window sill to cool,
Her granddaughters set theirs on the window sill to thaw.
7.31.2007
7.30.2007
AND IT HAPPEND LIKE THIS....
My Dad explaining to my son, Campbell, how in the world the hood blew off of the tractor when the diesel fuel ignited beneath it! OMG..........OOPS!
Yeah, I put diesel fuel in the mower because, well, I do not know the difference between it and regular, simply by smell. Now I know how to siffen gas from a tank, clean then replace a carburetor, check its compression and points, find and remove a spark plug, clean a spark plug then replace it, wash out a gas line, clean a needle valve, and inspect a high-tension lead for cracks or breaks. I've chalked it up to one of life's lessons learned.
WHERE WOULD YOU BE IF.....
IF - YOU HAD ALL THE MONEY YOUR HEART DESIRES?
IF - YOU HAD NO WORRIES?
IF - YOU CAME HOME AND THE FINEST MEAL IS AWAITING YOU?
IF - YOUR BATHWATER HAD BEEN RUN?
IF - YOU HAD THE PERFECT KIDS?
IF - YOUR PARTNER WAS AWAITING YOU, WITH OPEN ARMS & KISSES?
SO, WHERE WOULD YOU BE?
Well......"HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
YOU'D BE IN THE WRONG DAMN HOUSE!
7.29.2007
ALL ABOUT OLIVE....
I found this precious little woman over at Cathy's Blog. Which in its self is a treasure grove of posts and really great links to visit. I like Cathy. I enjoy her blog daily and this excerpt is just one little reason. This amazing woman is named Olive. She is 107 years old and is the oldest blogger I know of. You must visit her site, All About Riley, to appreciate all the wonders of life she has experienced! I just love her!
A WONDERFUL VISIT....
I was visited this weekend by two of my three best friends in the whole world! We had a good time catching up and laughing. I really needed my "Leigh" fix and hey, nothing wrong with a good ole "Ron" fix either!
7.24.2007
7.23.2007
THE PASTOR'S ASS....
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . .. even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . .. even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
7.22.2007
ROCKIN' GIRL BLOGGERS
I am honored to receive this nomination! I received it from another gal-pal blogger who is soooooooooo incredibly talented! I take the time now to nominate my choices for rockin' blogger girl!~
liquidplastic (More than a poet, more than a friend. With deepest respect, a woman who's no longer holding it within!)
card making and me... (An artist who perfects "something old, something new" with her personalized card making!)
chromed curses (One hot and bothered, sweet beotch!)
when I grow up (The life and loves of a wonderful woman!)
7.16.2007
ONLY IN MISSISSIPPI....
This afternoon, around 4:30 p.m., I realized that I only had 2 cigarettes remaining in the pack that I had purchased in the a.m. earlier today.
One of those days, what can I say?
I had been watching the neighbors children since the church van delivered them from Vacation Bible School, around lunch time and well, I needed another cigarette to help smoke out some Indians.
So I decided to drive down the road to the local "Wild Goldfish Store & Eatery" and get another pack, which I fully intended to smoke in it's entirety unless super Mom returned soon to retrieve her DNA samples.
I was driving reeeeeaaaaal slow, just taking it easy and enjoying my five minute break from all the cowboy's and Indians back at home in the yard.
As I was cruising along I approached a home positioned close to the road on the right side of my vehicle.
I noticed a calamity of sorts in the front yard that appeared to have already gathered a crowd.
This is a home occupied by a black family (or two) who have always been known for their many levels of neighborly excitement. Never a dull moment around here.........I promise!
They have lived there for all of my life and will obviously continue to live in the same house and incubate long after I am gone.
The yard was covered with family members who were dashing back and forth in an obvious panic.
As I pulled over to see what Miss Sadie, the great-great grandmother, was screaming about, I was met in the driveway by an ambulance who had also just arrived.
The following is my account of the details prior to laughing my head off....
In my neighbor's yard, lying flat of his back, yet all sprawled out, was a middle aged black man.
His eyes were rolled back in his head and he was not moving.
Now, don't hold me accountable for this part but I think they call him "Nigger". (not kidding)
So, I got out of my car and began to weave my way through the family members to walk alongside the driver of the ambulance.
I stopped though, to muse at the odd fact that the man had already been chalked off.
Now this may not seem odd for a crime scene but.....the sheriff had not arrived yet and the ambulance arrived at the same time I did.
Then I also noted that the chalk was lavender.
Hmmmmmm.
I looked around pondering this declaration of a lifeless body and saw one of the littlest girls, probably 4 or 5 years old, holding one of those thick round sticks of sidewalk chalk.
She had obviously been subjected to lots of "COP's" episodes or had just picked up this procedure at a family reunion or something.
Anyway, I am starting to giggle at my observation but realizing promptly that there is nothing funny, at all, about the situation at hand.
The ambulance driver approaches Miss Sadie as she is wailing,
"Oh lordy, OH LORDY....He too young fa dis' ! O myh LORD....We's always know he sick, oh lordy, we's always know....Ahhhhhhh, my baby, my baby....He gone to da maka!"
The driver trys to calm her to no avail as she is now in the midst of one of her fainting spells.
Two other family members try to hold her up.
"Oh lordy, please don't take my baby.....he too yung!"
Now, mind you, no one is near the supposed corpse.
I find this small detail more than odd, considering they are all family and such.
His eyes are still rolled back in his head.
He has not moved.
Still encircled with lavender chalk.
It is at that point that I hear Miss Sadie then tell the driver,
"Oh my chile' been sick since he been born, oh lordy, lordy, he got the "Smiley Miley Jesus", he got da "Smiley Miley Jesus"!!!"
Ok....my head now tilts a bit to the right and my eyebrows are squinched and I'm thinking.....hard!
"Smiley Miley Jesus......Smiley Miley Jesus....?????
Heck, I just hope it ain't contagious and airborne and shit!
So be it either way but he still lays there alone....motionless.
No one was paying attention nor tending to him and I am feeling guilty knowing that I wasn't about to get too close.
All of a sudden, Nigger jumps up to a standing position and looks around with a confused look on his face.
No shit....I mean he just bounces up and looks around at the chaos.
Now, when I tell you that this gathering of people witnessed this miracle, or horror, they all scattered, I mean poof, THEY WERE GONE!
Everyone had disappeared in an instant.
Heck, I was too freaked out to run!
As it came to pass and Nigger, with a crazy stagger, walked in the front door of the family home and shut it behind him.
The driver then turned to me and said....
"Smiley Miley Jesus....he has SPINAL MENINGITIS."
He had been unconscious due to an epileptic seizure!
I held it as long as I could, trying to make it to the privacy of my car, but failed to and burst out laughing joined by the driver and walked to my car shaking my head.
Only in Mississippi are people diagnosed with the Smiley Miley Jesus!
Confession:
I had to buy a beer to go with my smokes.
One of those days, what can I say?
I had been watching the neighbors children since the church van delivered them from Vacation Bible School, around lunch time and well, I needed another cigarette to help smoke out some Indians.
So I decided to drive down the road to the local "Wild Goldfish Store & Eatery" and get another pack, which I fully intended to smoke in it's entirety unless super Mom returned soon to retrieve her DNA samples.
I was driving reeeeeaaaaal slow, just taking it easy and enjoying my five minute break from all the cowboy's and Indians back at home in the yard.
As I was cruising along I approached a home positioned close to the road on the right side of my vehicle.
I noticed a calamity of sorts in the front yard that appeared to have already gathered a crowd.
This is a home occupied by a black family (or two) who have always been known for their many levels of neighborly excitement. Never a dull moment around here.........I promise!
They have lived there for all of my life and will obviously continue to live in the same house and incubate long after I am gone.
The yard was covered with family members who were dashing back and forth in an obvious panic.
As I pulled over to see what Miss Sadie, the great-great grandmother, was screaming about, I was met in the driveway by an ambulance who had also just arrived.
The following is my account of the details prior to laughing my head off....
In my neighbor's yard, lying flat of his back, yet all sprawled out, was a middle aged black man.
His eyes were rolled back in his head and he was not moving.
Now, don't hold me accountable for this part but I think they call him "Nigger". (not kidding)
So, I got out of my car and began to weave my way through the family members to walk alongside the driver of the ambulance.
I stopped though, to muse at the odd fact that the man had already been chalked off.
Now this may not seem odd for a crime scene but.....the sheriff had not arrived yet and the ambulance arrived at the same time I did.
Then I also noted that the chalk was lavender.
Hmmmmmm.
I looked around pondering this declaration of a lifeless body and saw one of the littlest girls, probably 4 or 5 years old, holding one of those thick round sticks of sidewalk chalk.
She had obviously been subjected to lots of "COP's" episodes or had just picked up this procedure at a family reunion or something.
Anyway, I am starting to giggle at my observation but realizing promptly that there is nothing funny, at all, about the situation at hand.
The ambulance driver approaches Miss Sadie as she is wailing,
"Oh lordy, OH LORDY....He too young fa dis' ! O myh LORD....We's always know he sick, oh lordy, we's always know....Ahhhhhhh, my baby, my baby....He gone to da maka!"
The driver trys to calm her to no avail as she is now in the midst of one of her fainting spells.
Two other family members try to hold her up.
"Oh lordy, please don't take my baby.....he too yung!"
Now, mind you, no one is near the supposed corpse.
I find this small detail more than odd, considering they are all family and such.
His eyes are still rolled back in his head.
He has not moved.
Still encircled with lavender chalk.
It is at that point that I hear Miss Sadie then tell the driver,
"Oh my chile' been sick since he been born, oh lordy, lordy, he got the "Smiley Miley Jesus", he got da "Smiley Miley Jesus"!!!"
Ok....my head now tilts a bit to the right and my eyebrows are squinched and I'm thinking.....hard!
"Smiley Miley Jesus......Smiley Miley Jesus....?????
Heck, I just hope it ain't contagious and airborne and shit!
So be it either way but he still lays there alone....motionless.
No one was paying attention nor tending to him and I am feeling guilty knowing that I wasn't about to get too close.
All of a sudden, Nigger jumps up to a standing position and looks around with a confused look on his face.
No shit....I mean he just bounces up and looks around at the chaos.
Now, when I tell you that this gathering of people witnessed this miracle, or horror, they all scattered, I mean poof, THEY WERE GONE!
Everyone had disappeared in an instant.
Heck, I was too freaked out to run!
As it came to pass and Nigger, with a crazy stagger, walked in the front door of the family home and shut it behind him.
The driver then turned to me and said....
"Smiley Miley Jesus....he has SPINAL MENINGITIS."
He had been unconscious due to an epileptic seizure!
I held it as long as I could, trying to make it to the privacy of my car, but failed to and burst out laughing joined by the driver and walked to my car shaking my head.
Only in Mississippi are people diagnosed with the Smiley Miley Jesus!
Confession:
I had to buy a beer to go with my smokes.
WIXY'S GONE BANANA'S
I have to say that I am absolutely charmed by the aerodynamics and sleek simplicity designed for 2008 by the HARLEY DAVIDSON MOTORCYCLE CO. to preview their elite Speedster Collection.
Also, I would like to thank CLIFF over at WIXY'S GONE BANANA'S BLOG for pulling the necessary strings so that he could take a ride on this spectacular bike and to share with us, this photo, as he cruises around up in Ohio!
Rock on, dude!
7.14.2007
THINKING.....again
"If the whole world followed you,
followed to the letter,tell me....
if it followed you, would the world be any better ?
Anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you.
Anyone who can reach you,
can love you or leave you.
So...
be gentle."
followed to the letter,tell me....
if it followed you, would the world be any better ?
Anyone who can touch you can hurt you or heal you.
Anyone who can reach you,
can love you or leave you.
So...
be gentle."
7.13.2007
ITALIAN CONVERSATION....
A bus stops and two Italian men get on.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives.........
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives.........
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
7.12.2007
7.09.2007
DEAR MOM....
A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.
A MAYONAISE JAR AND BEER
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the beer.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.
"One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers."
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.
"One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I’m glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers."
PRIMARY CARE.....
I recently picked a new primary care doctor.
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? "
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said.
He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"
After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"
He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either!"
Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? "
I said, "No, my former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"
Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"
"No, I don't," I said.
He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"
"No," I said.
He looked at me and said, "Then, why do you even give a shit?"
7.06.2007
7.02.2007
MAD WIFE DISEASE
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. " I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?"
"Your horse called," she replied.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. " I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?"
"Your horse called," she replied.
7.01.2007
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