A Great Day of Golf......

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course
when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them,
"Do you mind if I join you?
My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said,
"You're welcome."

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.
Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer,

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.
"You're joking!" was the response.
"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag,
and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle
with a large telescopicsight.

"Here are my tools."
"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend,
"Can I take a look?
I think I might be able to see my house from here."
So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right.
This sight is fantastic.
I can see right in the window."

"Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.
Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!!
Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her......
He's naked, too!!!

He turned to t he hit man,
"How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"
"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth."
"Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hit man took the rifle and took aim,
standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?"
said the friend impatiently.

"Just be patient,"
said the hit man calmly,

"I think I can save you a grand here....."


Billy said...

I am laughing so hard that I am spitting Sprite all over my lap!!!

Martha said...

hahahahahaha!!! Thanks, needed that!

fishing guy said...

Liquid: That one was really funny. Save a bullet and a grand.

74WIXYgrad said...

That would ruin a potential good time.

dons_mind said...

laughing out loud here!! :) ;)

Ghost Dansing said...

sniper music video

Madam Z said...

Now, wasn't that nice of the wife to make it so convenient and economical for her husband? She was proving her love for the ungrateful bastard.

Panaderos said...

LOL!!! Loved that one!! :D

cathouse teri said...

That's a good one!!!!!

I was just tickled at my own thoughts when he said, "Can I join you?" And wondered why they didn't say, "Why? Are we falling apart?"

rdl said...

love this one!!

Patrick Law said...

Hello Liquid,
It's my first visit to your blog. Just browsing, and interesting 'drink' theme you have going. If I had a drink, I probably would have spilled it after this joke.

Is this a joke you wrote yourself? I'm very interested in jokes and stories...and also versions where people modify or potentially personalize..or change...etc...

Hmmm...anyway I can use this joke, the form, the build up, the climax, but in another context in my life? Hmmm...no shooting, but the same pattern..hmmm...I so want to have stories like that to tell..hehehe...

I'll come back again...