Probably wasn't the same elephant.
During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled.
A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"
Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.
"May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal.
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore "(Expletive-Fword) you!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."
The man retreated as the people in the terminal applauded loudly.
I am in a wierd mood today. My mind is spinning and I am thinking about alot of stuff. Crazy stuff. I mean, things that have never caught my attention before are now taunting me with the question......WHY?
1) I just returned from the bank, which is obviously not open this early in the morning, where I went through the DRIVE thru ATM. Nothing really spectacular about that. It is a common event for most of us. But, I noticed something odd about the DRIVE thru ATM at my bank today. There, on the numerical keypad, is brail above the written numbers. WHY? Some one please help me with this one as I cannot for the life of me imagine why. It is a DRIVE thru ATM and not to be mistaken with the park and WALK up to ATM's which are located near the parking lot and attatched to the side of the very LARGE bank I use. Geeeeeze............If you can DRIVE, shouldn't you be able to see at least a foot in front (or to the side) of you?
2) Also, I wonder.....WHY beer does not come in an assortment of flavors? Say, like kool-aid and even water does these days. After I left the bank with my head tilted to the left, I wanted one. But I am not in the MOOD for the taste of beer. Yuck! So.........WHY NOT?
3) And finally............WHY in the hell is President Mahammoud Ahmadinejad even IN our country and WHO in the hell really wants to hear what he has to say? Oh yeah, and how sweet and thoughtful of him for wishing to visit the Memorial site at the World Trade Center. Imagine this......no one wants to accompany him so as to provide him security. Awwwwwwwwwwwww..........WHY?
Make no mistake about it, manners matter in Dixie! Good manners make life more pleasant for everyone. Good manners are what make Southerners different from those who aren't from here. You cannot take good manners too seriously in the South.
The Fundamentals of Good Manners
These five fundamentals should set you in good stead. Good manners are extended to everybody, regardless of whether you know them, on which side of town they live, or whether they tithe.
Be Humble: Others first, yourself last. Self-denial and deference to others ("After you") are the cornerstone of good manners, acting selfish or uppity is not. This commandment is indisputably rooted in the Bible Belt theology ("the first shall be last, and the last shall be first").
Be Courteous: Remember the Golden Rule. Go out of your way to be helpful and kind to everyone you encounter.
Behave Yourself: Don't be uncouth, rude, brash, loud, coarse, or cause a commotion in public. Only trashy types do such things.....and obviously this is because they weren't raised to know better.
Be Friendly: Put your friendliest foot forward, whether you've been properly introduced or don't know the person from a hole in the ground. Be sociable and neighborly, just like you learned in Sunday School ("Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself").
Be Modest: Never be high-falutin'. Practice modesty in all situations. "Why, shucks, I guess I was in the right place at the right time" would work just fine upon learning that you had won the Pulitzer Prize. "Of course I won it, I deserve to" would absolutely categorize you as too big for your britches.
Common Courtesies in Dixie
Say "please" without fail. Please, always say "please" when you make a requet, no matter how trivial or important.
Always ask, never tell. The only way to make a request is to ask for it, directives are much too surly. "Would you please carry me up the road a piece?" is correct. "Give me a ride to the market" is most assuredly not.
Say "Thank you" without fail. Upon being granted your request--be it a personal favor or impersonal transaction--always look the other party in the eye, give them a pleasing smile, and cheerily say, "Thank you". To show them you're really grateful, dress it up with "Thank you kindly," "Thanks a whole lot," "Preciate it". If your request is denied, say "Well, thank you anyway." Using your best turn-the-other-cheek manner.
Say "ma'am" and "sir" without fail. If any adult your senior addresses you (or vice versa), automatically attach the appropriate title to your response ("Yes ma'am, "I reckon so, Sir", "Pardon me ma'am"). Neglecting this rule is apt to be interpreted as arrogance or insolence or just plain bad upbringing.
Always refer to those of the female gender as Ladies. The descriptive woman is usually reserved in Dixie for females of questionable respect. If you are a gentleman, then treat all ladies with courtness, deference, and respect you'd accord members of the royal family since, in the South, ladies occupy such status.
Chivalry may not be well appreciated outside the South today, but you can be sure that around home territory a true gentleman will so honor a lady:
Hold the door open for all members of the fairer sex, regardless of their social station.
Stand when a lady enters or leaves a room.
Walk on the streetside of a side-walk, when accompanying a lady.
Order for both of you when at a restaurant (excluding business meals).
Always call his mother "Mamma" or "mutha" or "Mrs. -------"-never by her first name, no matter what his age.
My Daddy Said
As my daddy told me many years ago, "Good manners do not cost you anything to exercise, but the lack of them may cost you dearly further down the road".
My daddy also told my brother, Greg, "Treat all ladies as ladies, no matter what you have heard and continue to do so until she proves to you that she is not a lady".
He also said " A man's word is his bond and that you come into this world with only your name and will leave this world the same and how you are remembered is how you kept the honor of your name".
The last quote that I will make of my daddy's is...
"Not very long," answered the Mexican.
"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.
The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.
The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"
"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs.
The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."
"And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."
"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.
"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.
"And after that?"
"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"
"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Mexican.
"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."
And the moral of this story is:
Babies will enjoy squishing their toes in the mud while older children can put together pies decorated with leaves, flowers and pebbles. Just be sure not to eat 'em!
For a mudpie that you can REALLY eat, try this recipe:
1 Prepared Chocolate Graham Cracker Crust
An 8 ounce container of Cool Whip
1- 4 ounce package instant chocolate pudding
1 cup milk
1 cup Chopped Oreos
3/4 cup chocolate chips
Mix the milk and pudding.
Add Cool Whip, cookie crumbs and chocolate chips and mix thoroughly.
Pour mix into crust and refrigerate.
Today we treasure these timeless talismans of a bygone era. Vintage linens sport monograms of relatives, passed. Silver teaspoons marked with a grandmother's name are handed down to namesake grandchildren. A mother's initial pen is cherished by a newly-aged daughter, who wears it with pride on her business suit lapel.
Such a Southern thing, this marking of items. And should you lack these handed down objects in your silver chest or linen press, never fear: estate sales and antiques shops abound with long-ago treasures.
A few guidelines to consider: Your own monogram belongs on stationary and new bath towels. Displaying those never used graduation gifts with your maiden-name monogram is okay too - assuming that everyone knows who you were.
Silver should be marked with a mother's or grandmother's initials. (A hint to charity shop buyers of pedigreed articles: just make sure the silver in question bears some initial belonging to a forebear.)
You have more leeway with linens. Almost any initial will do. One time-honored tradition is to search for letters that spell out your name, if it is short, or a holiday sentiment like J-O-Y, and display them together.
Whatever the item, however it is marked, whenever two or more letters are gathered (or a name), you can be sure the monogram is a Southern thing.