(To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door, at pet nose height.)

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.

Beating me to the bottom is not the object.

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed.

I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.

It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom.

If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.

I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.

I cannot stress this enough!

Thank you,



dons_mind said...

lol good stuff - - when ya figger out how to get the dog to read it, let me know........ :) :)

Ghost Dansing said...

those seem like reasonable requests

SandyCarlson said...

It's so clear you love your pets!

(Why do they follow us to the john?)

Gadfly said...

I'm alpha enough that my pets know not to get too bad about that kind of thing... however, I'm enough of a putz when it comes to animals to always find myself stepping around them and working around them when they're sleeping right in the big middle of everything looking so kyuuuuute o_O

fishing guy said...

Liquid: That was really funny, I can buy into all the request. they seem really reasonable. Now the problem, how do you get the pets to read it. LOL

DivaJood said...

The reason pets follow their people to the john is because they are hopeful food is involved. And as you spoke those words to them, they humbly sat there, listening, thinking, "Oh boy, I hope there's a treat coming soon."

Daisy said...

Ha Ha Ha! I love this! Thanks for the wonderful laugh, Liquid. I'm going to go read it to my poodle now and see if it makes an impression on him. :D

rdl said...

you are too funny!!
love the pic!!