4.01.2008

Letter From WalMart....

After my Father retired, my Mother insisted that he begin to accompany her on her trips to Walmart and just try to enjoy the experience with her.

Unfortunately, like most men, he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
As he is a no frills, in and out, kinda guy.

Equally unfortunately, my Mother is like most women - - she loves to browse and browse and browse some more.

Yesterday my Mother tells me of a letter she received from the local Wal-Mart on Higway 19 North.


Dear Mrs. White,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. White are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in "Housewares" to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed,
'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,
he assumed a fetal position and screamed
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waitedawhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Please choose another store in our area to browse in.
We do appreciate your business.

Regards,
Tom Richards
Walmart Manager



.....APRIL FOOLS!....

4 comments:

diamond said...

OMG - that was a great April Fool's joke...I was thinking "Man, I wish my dad was cool like that!" Loved it..

74WIXYgrad said...

And what's happening at YOUR local Evil Big Box Store?

Martha said...

bwahahahahahaha!!!! Some of those sound really fun!!!!

Pilgrim said...

priceless