5.27.2008

Liquid Justice......

{{{{{psftttttttttttt}}}}

Yep.
That's the sound of me opening my beer.
Memorial Day.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
What a memory.

I am just now awaking for the day and having a cold beer as the coals on my grill heat up and I make this post.
I'm gonna have B-BQ ribs on the grill today.
My children are on the beach with my parents and will not be home until Friday.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

My weekend was most uneventful which is not a surprise considering I spent the better part of it in jail.
Yep.
I sure did.
No one's fault but my own and even at that, I do not see it as a fault.
It's a new day for Liquid and she's not in the least bit bothered by it.
Again,
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh."

You know, some games just aren't much fun when you are forced to play them by all by yourself.
This, I know to be the truth, for one bitch in my area anyway.
Yep.

On Friday night, around 11:22 p.m. I took it upon my self to settle a personal dispute.
Well, I wouldn't call it a dispute, actually, just an end to something that I did not start but did,
damn well finish.

I have been hearing lots of "BS" coming 'round the corner from one of my female neighbors, about me.
To which I cannot help but "sigh", since I am one of the most entertaining people I know with lots of truth to play with. Lies are not necessary in the least when it comes to what Liquid is up to.

So anyway, on Friday night, I loaded up my stick and drove down to the neighborhood "bitches" house and put my vehicle in park. Didn't even bother to turn it off since I knew exactly how and how long my conversation would be.

I knocked on the door, to which I was greeted by the bitch herself.
Yep.
In her usual drunken manner she answered and looked a bit surprised, if I must say so myself.

I asked her to step outside to which she granted my wish, but not without almost busting her ass on the bottom step of her modular home. I almost felt pity for her at this point. Imagine that.

I confronted her with the "rumors" I had been hearing and asked her if it was true that she'd been saying these things. I guess I started the conversation with that for my own entertainment since I had recorded proof that she'd actually said these things. But, not unlike most creepy bitches you know, she denied, denied, denied it all and even took her lies to the next level.
That's OK. I knew she would.
Yeah.
That was the entertainment I was looking for.
:)

I asked her at some point in her "Blabber" to hold that thought.
Hard for her to do, I know, but hey, I was caught up in amusement.
Whatever.

I then walked over to my vehicle on the driver's side and took out my stick.
I walked back over to her as her eyes bulged out in a state of shock.
I giggled at one point, I think. Not sure if it was out loud but I think it was.
Anyway...........
I then proceeded to whip her ass from head to toe with my new friend, the stick.
About 13 or 14 good whacks.
I didn't knock her ass out until like the 11th smack........I sure would have hated for her to miss all my fun.
{{{{WHAP}}}}
When she went down I stood over her and took in the moment.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" the smell of fresh blood on gravel.
Whooda-thunk it would smell so good?
Not I.
Till now.

I then loaded up my stick followed by my body and put my vehicle in reverse.
I drove out of her driveway and hung a left, towards town.
I kept on driving until I reached the Sheriff's department and pulled right in the front of the door.
Proceeding into the booking area I introduced myself followed by my driver's license and told them I was there to be arrested.
You cannot imagine the "BLANK" look on the deputy's face!
Makes me wish I'd taken my camera with me.
{{{NOTE TO SELF}}}

They asked me for what crime did I need to be arrested to which I replied with the most sincere honesty I am capable of.

"Assault", I said.
"No need to waste tax payers money on gas to come and pick me up out in Pine Springs, I'm here and I confess."

Of course I had to go through all of the details for them to which I promptly did with a cigarette and a gracious cup of coffee.

Yep.
They booked me alright. So I spent 4 days in the Lauderdale County jail this weekend.
Not bad at all.
Mission accomplished.

The really neat thing is that they did not charge me with "Attempted Murder" because I came in willingly and of my own free will.
And I assured them that if I'd wanted to kill her, I would have.
No attempt by me.
They knocked it down to Assault With a Deadly Weapon.
Cool.
But I've still got my stick and I've got three more bitches to go.

I told them that too.

I figure I'll strike every other Friday.
No particular order.
But let this be a note to those of you who are reading this and know that you're on my damn list.
I will NOT pull into another driveway.
You'll know I'm there when you see me.
Even if briefly, you'll know WHY I am there.
No need for conversation with the rest of you.

{{{{{pfssssssssssssst}}}}}

Damn these ribs are gonna be good!

Peace.

14 comments:

kathy said...

I think you need to stop. You could get 15 to 20 in Jail for that. And think about what would happen to you kids then.

Bella said...

Ms. Liquid, next time you're going to the beach with me and the girls!

=)

(glad you're okay!)

Marla said...

Woah. That is scary stuff. I hope that is the last time you handle a dispute with violence. Your kiddos need you.

Also, your neighborhood sounds even more interesting than mine.;)

LL said...

You rock, girl.

ozymandiaz said...

Not being one to advocate violence, let me just say...
you make the redneck in proude.
BOO YA!
You really shouldn't be doing stuff like this
and
can I live vicariously through your rampage?
Seriously though
As it has been stated there could be serious consequences to these actions. Whooping the snot out of some diariah mouthed piece of shit is not going to make them better people
BUT I BET IT DAMNED SURE FELT GOOD
no
no
no
really, you gotta stop what you are doing
or leave no evidence, have an alibi
that way they know you did it but you have corroberating statements to the otherwise.
Or, if the need for violence ensues, give me a call, we can work out an exchange.
I know its a three for one trade but my guy needs to DIE
just throing that out there

SandyCarlson said...

You have taken proactive to a new level. And justice can't believe how good she looks now that she has had a workout.

Liquid said...

Sandy:

You maka' me a' blush!

rdl said...

phwww
you had me goin there - you bitch(compliment - see joke friday love).

Liquid said...

RDL:

Like that's a BAD thing!

Love it and you too, girl!

:)-

Assrot said...

I hope this is just a nice little piece of literature you made up to give your readers a little excitement. If not and the story actually is true, you will probably be out of the blogging scene for a decade or so.

I'm hoping it's just a good story and you really didn't do it. I just discovered your blog and find it pretty interesting. I'd hate to lose you on such short notice.

On the other hand, maybe a good lawyer can get you off with a slap on the wrist. Assault and Battery is a tough one to beat though especially if you made the first move and you admitted to everything.

Good luck. Hope I'll be reading you in the future. There are no computers or Internet access in a 6x9 as I'm sure you have already seen.

Joe

Liquid said...

Assrot:

If you can read it........
It can happen.

Thanks for visiting and hope you stay around for a bit.

I have NO plans on going anywhere............well.............soon.

'Cept maybe to kick more ass where ass is due to be kicked.

*evil grin*

Amias said...

Kicking ass is fun when you don't have to run ... why don't we do a little voo-doo, that's better and the suffering of the mind is longer!

If this is not a story it should be one ... call it, "Liquid's Just-Ice" and by all means don't be nice.

I am out of the hospital and doing find, hope to see you soon!

Whatever I Think said...

I found you through Betme @ Disismyplace. I am disabled and carry a cane. I recently added a Monkey's fist to it (not a real one but some kind of knot made with rope that is about 3 or 4 inches in diameter and hard as a rock). I've done a lot of posts about caning people which I have actually yet to do but I wouldn't hesitate if I had to.

I actually almost caned a man in the mall because he wouldn't get out of our way. My daughter was pushing me in the wheel chair and she saw me lift up the cane to whack him in the ass but she backed up before I could. Damn kids.

I live with my daughter and her husband. They don't trust me with a gun so all I have is my cane.

I'll be back. I don't know if this post is fiction or not but it cracked me up. Hope you don't end up in The Big House. If you do I'm sure you'll figure out a way to bust out.

Hale McKay said...

I can and only will think and say the nicest and sweetest things about you. :o)*