CLASSIC INSULTS THROUGHOUT TIME....

These glorious insults are from an era

when cleverness with words was still valued,

before a great portion of the English language

got boiled down to 4-letter words,

not to mention

waving middle fingers!

~~~~~~~~~~~

Lador Astor to Winston Churchill:

"If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

Winston Churchill to Lador Astor:

"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A Member of Parliament (MP) to Disraeli:

"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."

Disreaeli to the MP:

"That depends, Sir, on whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway):

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."

Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner):

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend ... if you have one."

Winston Churchill to George Bernard Shaw:

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."

"He had delusions of adequacy."

- Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."

- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

- Clarence Darrow

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."

- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."

- Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."

- Oscar Wilde

(And this one, my personal favorite of recent use)

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."

- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."

- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."

- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."

- Paul Keating

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."

- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."

- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."

-Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."

- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."

- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"

- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."

- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts ... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."

- Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

- Groucho Marx