3.29.2006

BROKEN CHILD~

I tried to walk.
It wasn't fast enough for you.
I tried to run.
But running was not allowed.
"You might fall and hurt yourself..."

I tried to talk.
"Shhhhhhhh!"
"Children are meant to be seen, not heard!"
Quiet now.
Smile.

I tried to grow.
But I was too young..
As I grew,
I was told I needed to grow up.
So,
I grew and I grew.
Yet, it was too fast for you.

I forgot to play.
I forgot to feel.
I forgot how to cry.
No need to be healed.
I simply forgot to create a "Me".

I ran too fast.
I know nothing 'bout rest.
Stop.
Breathe.
OK...
Start over again.
Running now.
Faster still.
I fell......in love.
You were right.
It hurt.
I went back to the beginning.
I wanted to walk.
I tried to talk.
But dear GOD, the piercing pain!
I found numb.
I chose numb.

You said;
"You're strong!"
"Pick up your pieces and move on!"
Smile.
No one will notice the tears,
Nor ask of my pains.

Remember.
Numb.

I caught a glimpse of mu hands in a mirror once.
I watched as blood dripped
Then streamed from my grip.
T'was then that I realized I was holding my heart.
I clutched it tight
In my scruffy hands.
It appeared to me that I was protecting it
From the damage
That'd already been done.

But,
You're strong.
Keep moving on.
Fast.
Fast.
Faster!
Remember....
The numb.

I cannot breathe.
The color of crimson now covers me.

From what's left of my head to what once were my toes.
I gasp....
As blood now fills my throat.
My eyes
Search frantically....
For my Mommy,
"I need my Daddy"
My eyes are now consumed.

Who's there?
I can't see.
I can't feel.
Oh yeah, numb.

Ahhhh,
But I can still hear you!
I sigh,
Relieved.

Enough!

You're voice never left me!
Please STOP talking ABOUT me!
Touch me.
Try.
Would you please listen to me?

I've now learned to walk.
My head up high.
I no longer care to run.
Don't ask me why.
I need to talk.
Yet when I do, the same still "Balk".
My growth...
Well,
Still stunned.
I cannot go on like this.
I need to rest.
I need to feel safe.

Please don't ask me to be a big girl now,
I am still
Simply,
A broken child
Who knows not "How".

1 comment:

Liquidplastic said...

This is so very profound and real --- the pain, the awarness of pain, the denial, the acceptance of others blindness, and then, at last the raw understanding --- where the healing begins.

Suzan, you are not only an artist with your camera, you are also one with your pen.